U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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