Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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