I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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