i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
