He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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