Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
