I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
