what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
