All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i now understand why vodka
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
