My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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