Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
