I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
