He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
