GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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