Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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