Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
