Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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