are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
