this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
