It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
