I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
