lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
