i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am available for nakedness
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
