i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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