Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
