remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize