if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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