shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
