I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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