They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
