I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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