if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
