I wish I only lived at night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
