I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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