We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
