he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
