Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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