It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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