I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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