mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
