i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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