If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize