we're blogging at a bar
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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