I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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