uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
