He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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