I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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