The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
