I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Randomize
