You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You are the jesus of drinking
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
