he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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