Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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