She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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