I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
