I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
