Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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