Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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