Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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