i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
