Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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